March 23, 2011

Athletic bashful colorful Christian dynamic extroverted feminine girl-next-door hard-working introspective jokster kinky loving mature nerdy optimistic persevorator quick romantic slender talkative unassuming virtuous warm XYZ

NNB

The Painful Price of Disobedience

Between 1 Samuel chapters 10 and 15, we see the anointing of a shy commoner from the smallest tribe of Israel, the Benjaminites….. even in his commonality the man the Old Testament describes as “being a head taller than any of the others” was chosen as King by God and anointed as such by Samuel in front of all of Israel. 5 chapters later, he goes into battle with the Amalekites and willingly disobeys God by sparing the ruthless king Agag and the best of the kingdom’s sheep and cattle. This seemingly harmless decision ultimately costs Saul his anointing.

Even though Saul initially blames everyone but himself for his actions, I can’t help but be moved by his plea to God for a change of heart when Samuel brings him the bad news: that “…the Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today and has given it to one of your neighbors” (1 Samuel 15 28). That neighbor ends up being David. It made me remember how seriously God takes disobedience. I mean how often has God told any of us to do something and we either just blatantly disobey or we “don’t get around to it”? We do it everyday just in our being human truthfully….. Fundamentally, none of us truly even deserve to be treated with any more preference than Saul, the very man God once entrusted with an entire kingdom, yet his grace and mercy continue to allow us to walk in light of his blessings even so! It’s something to be really and truly thankful for!

The story does not end there. Saul continues to spiral down a slope enveloped in paranoia, fear, and self-centeredness leading to the death of his sons and ultimately sadly to his own self destruction in suicide…. his disobedience and hardened heart eventually cost him his very life and that of loved ones.

Moral of the story is that there are many prices to disobedience (Deuteronomy 28) and the only reason we don’t experience these everyday, is because God is merciful and we have been granted redemption through Jesus Christ. Through Him, we can always come to God with repentant hearts and be made pure again :-).

NNB

“Doc in the hood” to-do list….

One of my favorite attendings, no longer at my institution, did his residency at Emory decades ago. He and another one of his male collegues called themselves the Docs in the Hood, haha. The “hood” being Hotlanta, presumably.

Apparently, per an email i just read, residency starts 3 months from yesterday….. geez louise. Time to:

1. Figure out my student loan situation
2. Calculate my financial worth (can I skip this if I’m in the red anyways?)
3. Create a reasonably livable budget as a resident (google searching for a worksheet…)
4. Find an apartment
5. Find a gym (4 and 5 are mutual)
6. Find a reliable moving company (this is about to be a gnawing epigastric pain in my belly……..)
7. Figure out what to do with car (have it shipped vs finding some generous soul to drive it for me….)
8. Finish graduation and post-grad social plans

Some fun but definitely painful stuff to look forward to amidst weddings ect next month…. still wondering if I can squeeze in a vacay sometime late May early June (can I even afford this right now?). The real question: am I missing something?

NNB

Spring Reading List

Spring? Can I even actually say that word in Chicago yet? smh.

Optimistic before May, but really, what else am I doing these days anyway when it looks so awful outside.

Thoughts are welcome!

1. The Girl Who Played with Fire (Vintage Crime/Black Lizard) by Stieg Larrson

–I liked The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo so much, this was a no-brainer.

1. Being a Wise Woman in a Wild World: Drawing Closer to God; Making Good Choices; Experiencing the Blessing by Robin Chaddock

–Planning on reading this one with some sisters in Christ….. over food of course :-).

1. When Life and Beliefs Collide by Carolyn Custis James

–Reading this book along the Women’s Ministry Book Club in church

NNB

How to Keep Your Email Inbox Under Control

Worth thinking about, these days when I’m feeling buried under. More less lame posts later when my life stabilizes…

How to Keep Your Email Inbox Under Control.

NNB

I thought these lyrics were beautiful.

Beloved by Tenth Avenue North

Over and Underneath

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you’re afraid I might see
You’ve been running away from me

You’re my beloved
Lover I’m yours
Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we’ll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
It’s a mystery

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I’m the giver of life
I’ll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh come running home to me yeah *now*

You’re my beloved
Lover I’m yours
and Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we’ll be
Our Love it unites us
and it binds you to me yea now now

Well you’ve been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won’t satisfy
Won’t you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And**taste new life

You’re my beloved
Lover I’m yours
Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we’ll be
Our Love it unites us
it binds you to me

You’re my beloved
Forever we’ll be
Our love it unites us
And it binds you to me
It’s a mystery

NNB

Domestic Violence: CAGE free

Photograph courtesy of: Women's Aid Act

I don’t mean to rain on the Valentine’s Day parade, but I recently contributed to the care of my first patient who was a victim of domestic violence. Med school’s “touchy-feely” classes do a fairly decent job of preparing students for counseling patients that snort cocaine, telling a patient they have cancer or HIV, and telling them they drink and smoke too much… add losing weight too to that list while we’re at it….. but noone can really teach you how to comfort a woman your age drenched in blood with multiple gashes in the center of her forehead, as you spend an hour holding your breath, carefully putting each stitch into place. Because truthfully, you can’t. Nothing you say to her after the fact is going to change what she just experienced. Neither does anyone alert you that the subsequent mornings you’ll wake up with her tear-streaked swollen face burned into your brain.

According to the Johns Hopkins University School of Public Health, a recent study (Population Reports: Ending Violence Against Women) revealed that at least 1 out of 3 women at some point in her lifetime will be beaten, forced into sex, or suffer other abuse within this spectrum. So look at the women in your family, your female friends, church pew members, classmates. Young (Laci Peterson and Evelyn Hernandez) and old alike, rich (Chris Brown and Rihanna) and poor. Human Rights Watch interestingly enough revealed recently that the rates of reported rape and violence against women were reported to be rapidly on the rise in 2007 and 2008 cases in the U.S. Is this improved documentation more better reporting or are women legitimately suffering more abuse? Looking at how increasingly violent our world is, I’m inclined to believe both.

Photograph courtesy of: Women's Aid Act

Violence against women crosses cultural bounds for sure. In fact, a group from Maryland coordinated a  study extending over multiple countries that support this whole heartedly (Profiling Domestic Violence, a Multi-country Study). We are taught that female immigrants are notably high risk for experiencing such abuse given the multiple obstacles to their independence (i.e. language proficiency, lower socioeconomic status, cultural pressures to endure, education, ect.). Being of Nigerian decent, I would be willing to bet my paycheck for the next 10 years that EVERY immigrant (or First generation American) West African, Caribbean, and Hispanic woman my age knows at least one person that has been a victim of domestic or sexual violence…. if not up to 5 or 6.

Photograph courtesy of: Women's Aid Act

 

So on this Valentine’s Day, indeed, eat/drink/be merry and celebrate love for the beautiful gift of the Holy Spirit that it is. But please also take time to remember the many love-less households there are in this world… Around the time of the holidays (especially Valentines day), victims in a violent relationship all over the U.S. suffer, many of them paying ultimately with their lives as CBS recently highlighted in an article (Does “V” Stand for Domestic Violence?) on domestic violence this past January. Reflect, pray, and do yourself and the women around you that you care about a favor and be an educated and sensitive good, no great friend.

 

 

 

Help:

If you or anyone you knows is being actively abused and is in an emergency situation where her life is actively being threatened, call 911 immediately.

For advice and support on all other non-emergent but equally important related matters, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE).

For additional advice and counseling: Find Counseling.com, Helpguide.org.

What to say when you don’t know what to say:

• You are not to blame for being battered or mistreated.
• You are not the cause of your partner’s abusive behavior.
• You deserve to be treated with respect.

• You deserve a safe and happy life.
• Your children deserve a safe and happy life.
• You are not alone. There are people waiting to help.
• Can I get you help?

NNB

Amazed

Enough said :-)!

NNB

Open Adoption

I fell asleep to the Golden Girls, and woke up to Adoption Diaries on WeTV :-). I’ve never seen it before. It’s a new show on WeTV that takes viewers into the internal happenings of the adoption process from the perspectives of the birth mother as well as the adoptive parents.

What is open adoption?

Open adoptions are created through a mutual selection process where birthmothers have an opportunity to choose the adoptive parents for their child.  With the guidance of an agency counselor, birthmothers and adoptive parents create a plan for future contact and communication.

Unlike as is in the case in closed adoption, the adoptive parents in open adoption have the opportunity to interact with the birth mother prior to and after the birth/adoption process. Thus, the birth mother very peripherally is included in the life of the child almost in the context of an extended family member. This brings the advantage of the birth mother knowing that the child is doing well, the child knowing that he/she is in fact loved by both parties involved in the adoptive process, and adoptive parents an understanding and appreciation of the child’s biological and ethnic background while gaining a new loving member of their extended family. This eliminates the conflicting feelings of possible abandonment that may show up in the child’s life when he/she begins to understand that his/her adoptive parents did actually give birth to the child.

The show Adoption Diaries takes you through every aspect of the open adoption process through the Independent Adoption Center from both parties’ perspectives from the initial webpage profile setup through the actual delivery process. As you can imagine, there are a surge of emotions that take place, especially on the day of the delivery when absolutely anything can happen…..

I watched the story of Colene and the Zumdahls. The Zumdahls are from Illinois apparently. Their story warmed my heart :-). Here’s a clip of the show and comments (neutral, pros, cons) below from a variety of sources (parents and  children) who have had personal experiences with open adoption.

“I feel that an open adoption can provide a wonderful experience for the adopted child, even in transracial adoptions. Growing up, I had an eye witness account of a younger sister and a younger brother developing irreplaceable bonds with their birth parents that couldn’t be replicated with their adopted parents. These bonds weren’t in any way more significant or contradicted the immense bonds they had with their adopted parents. These bonds with their birth parents were in spite of and complimented the bonds with their adopted parents.

I believed this was possible due to well defined understandings between the birth parents and my adoptive parents. My parents recognized their adopted children potentially had a need to answers regarding their identity and family background that only contact with their birth parents could supply. Concurrently, the birth parents may have had a void in their lives left from relinquishing their children. I think the most crucial element in an open adoption is for the adoptive parents and birth parents to have the same understanding of the value of this type of  relationship for the child.

I don’t feel that an open adoption should be forced on children. As I mentioned earlier, my older brother didn’t feel comfortable around his birth mother. Although, she was allowed to visit, once my brother became old enough to express his feelings on the matter, he was not forced to interact with her. I feel this relationship between birth parents and adopted child should develop as quickly, slowly or not at all as is necessary for all child.”

Quiskaeya of Mama’s Garden, on “Thoughts on Open Transracial Adoption”

“Either way, I wanted to let her know he was loved and how much we appreciated the wonderful gift she had given us. I mean, what do you say to the woman who gave birth to your son? I have not found a lot of hallmark cards that cover the occasion, but I felt I had to write something. It just seems weird to me to have such a strong connection to another woman and not, at least, be on speaking terms.”

Amy B, on Adoption.com, years after adopting a special needs child through a closed adoption.

I hate open adoptions. It gives the birthmom undue rights. It’s like they don’t want to or can’t raise them, but they want the best of both worlds. Someone to take care of their kid and the rights to birthdays, letters, etc. If the child wants to find it’s birthmom later when they’re of age, then fine, help them, but to have this open adoption balogney with birthdays and letters and once a year garbage is just that. I think it takes away from the child’s real, adoptive family for bonding, and gives rights to a birth parent who gave the rights up. That’s what adoption is. It also takes away the child’s right to know. My brother never wanted to know and didn’t care. I did and when I was of age, I talked to my birthmom. The child deserves that right to choose at an adult age. And that takes away any child’s right.

Alilac of AZ, adopted as a child commenting in response to a post on Well-Trained minds Forums.com

“Anyway, as far as our children go, it’s been a wonderful experience for them. We’ve been honest about who they are and where they came from since the beginning and answer all questions asked as best we can (and if we can’t, we can always call on the birth parent to do it!). Our birth parents come and spend the weekend at our house, and we go to their home as well. We know extended family and exchange Christmas cards. The kids love it because they know that they are loved all around. They don’t doubt that we are their parents…they know who changed those diapers, feeds them every day and is always there for them! Frankly, adoptive parents seem to be the only ones who get occasionally confused on this front, and in our case the birth parents are quick to straighten us out! I can recall many, many times when our birth mother reminded me that she was awfully glad she wasn’t the one who had to tell those little darlings “no” and smack their bottoms! I’ve never felt more “entitled” to be a parent than at those moments. She knew I was doing a better job than she could have, and she’d let me know all about it.

The fact that our children know and love their biological parents just says to them that their origins are okay…that there was no little dirty secret to their birth, just two sets of parents who loved and made sacrifices for them and continue to love them now. Essentially, we want it to become part of their “story,” but to be a non-issue, IYKWIM. We openly discuss their bio siblings as kids who are their brothers and sisters, just in a different way because they don’t grow up together. The birth mother (we adopted a sib group) and I have developed a love and respect for each other that has grown into a deep friendship. The two of us share a bond that no one else in the world can share. She’s one of my best friends.

My hope is that all of this will allow my children to grow up secure in the knowledge that they are loved, that they are okay, that their adoption wasn’t a random event but rather something planned out by God and by people who loved them enough to sacrifice deeply for them. I want them to know that they healed my heart when they came and that I am okay with how my family was made…in my heart rather than in my body. I want them to know that I think their “roots” are darn terrific folks and are welcome here anytime.”

Jennifer of NC, adopted mother of 4 commenting on Well-Trained minds Forums.com

Open or closed, adoption allows children the opportunity of experiencing God’s love in the context of a loving family.

NNB

The Best Medicine

Smile today, then laugh all day tomorrow.

 

How many muscles does it take to form a smile?

Per Answer.com (and Dr. David Song apparently!):

“It takes one more muscle to smile than to frown,” according to plastic surgeon David H. Song, MD, FACS, [Professor of Surgery] at the University of Chicago Hospitals.

Newspapers around the globe assure us, “Frowning takes more muscles than smiling,”
13 to smile, 33 to frown – The Washington Post.
10 to smile, 100 to frown – The New York Times,
4 to smile, 64 to frown – The Hindu. An urban myth?

Only Cecil’s “The Straight Dope” got an expert (Dr. Song) to go through the motions. A genuine smile takes two muscles to crinkle the eyes, two to pull up the lip corners and nose, two to elevate the mouth angle, and two to pull the mouth corners sideways. Total smile: 12.

On the other hand, a frown needs two muscles to pull down the lips and wrinkles in the lower face, three to furrow the brow, one to purse the lips, one to depress the lower lip, and two to pull the mouth corners down. Total frown: 11.

A fake smile, however, only takes two muscles. We detect the fake because “the eyes aren’t smiling.”

Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_muscles_does_it_take_to_form_a_smile#ixzz1CNRAfbq8

I started my week off with nightmares, anxiety, and horrible gastritis and ended it with Black Swan, some me-presents from ULTA, and company that made me smile and more importantly laugh :-D. God knew what He was doing giving us so many intricate muscles to smile… and great friends :-)…(and hair products and makeup, lol).

NNB